I Cared: One Carer’s Tales – An Insightful Q&A with The Unseen Carer

I Cared: One Carer’s Tales, written by The Unseen Carer invites readers into the hidden world of everyday care with honesty, humour, and heartfelt reflection. Through a series of sharply observed vignettes, the author charts the journey from professional life into full-time caring, offering an unfiltered glimpse into the challenges, frustrations, small joys, and deeply human moments that define the carer experience.

Whether navigating bureaucracy, managing unexpected hospital visits, or simply trying to find a moment of stillness, The Unseen Carer speaks for so many who quietly dedicate their lives to supporting loved ones. This book is a tribute to the resilience of carers everywhere, and a powerful call to recognise their unseen work.

In this Q&A, the author reflects on the writing process, the emotional impact of caring, and what they hope readers will take away from their words.

What led to the decision to write these stories down, and how did the writing process shape the way the stories were remembered or shared?

I’m not sure it was a decision, at the start at least, to write so many stories. I wrote the first chapter, “How It All Began”, and then another, then another… As it became a habit, I wanted the pieces to be of similar length and to illustrate aspects of my life as a carer. In some cases a theme could be illustrated by several incidents; others describe a single event. So length did dictate the shape of some of the pieces. I always wrote them as if somebody else would read them, and after a while I wanted to share them, though I didn’t know how. Now I have done so.

Many of the tales highlight the often unseen emotional, administrative and practical labour of caring. What does the book reveal about the complexity behind day-to-day life in a caring role?

Some of the problems described are universal – problems experienced with banks, for instance. Pressure on time for carers adds to the stress of this. Hospitals are full of compassionate people looking after patients, but there are issues management should pay attention to regarding carers, elderly patients and those with dementia. I hope I have drawn attention to some of these.

Humour and warmth appear throughout the book, even in challenging moments. How do you think this tone helps in communicating the realities of caring?

Carers looking after a relative or friend will experience many different moods. I want the reader to feel those moods.

Several stories in I Cared involve dealing with institutions, customer service and bureaucracy. What do these moments suggest about the systems carers must navigate?

Some of the problems are specific to carers; some apply to all of us when dealing with these institutions. Things can be very complicated. I want decision-makers to read this book – and make life simpler!

The book often touches on themes of memory, personal dignity, and loss. In what ways are these themes important to the narrative voice?

Your loved one is surrounded by many memories – yours and theirs – but sadly is no longer able to look after themselves. That is why they need a carer.

Everyday objects and incidents — from bird tables to phone calls — become gateways into deeper reflection. How do small details shape the emotional impact of the book?

Life as a carer is completely normal – and completely abnormal. We live in the same environment, use the same services and technology as our neighbours, and yet our lives are completely different.

The anonymity of you, the author adds to the sense that this is a shared experience, not just one person’s story. What do you feel this suggests about the visibility of carers in wider society?

It suggests what I often felt – invisible. Hence my choice of pen name – “The Unseen Carer”.

The reflections in I Cared are both personal and broadly relatable. How do you hope this book supports readers who have lived through, or are currently living through, similar roles?

I hope such readers will feel that these reflect their experiences as well as mine and so feel they are not alone.

The book is made up of individual tales rather than a continuous narrative. Do you feel this structure offers readers an understanding the varied nature of caring?

Each chapter represents what was in my head as I was writing it. I have kept the order in which the “Carer’s Tales” were written. I hope this reflects the many things which will be in the mind of a carer…

For those moved by I Cared, what conversations or awareness do you hope this collection will help to inspire in homes, communities or among professionals?

I want family members and friends to understand everything carers do for those they look after. I hope every MP buys this book, not just because that would give it six hundred and fifty sales, but more seriously, I want them to know the practical and emotional costs of caring – while a person is doing so and afterwards. I want other decision-makers to read it too, for example, those providing services, people in the media and employers, because I want them to understand and have in mind the perspective of the carer when taking decisions which affect our lives and those we look after...

Coming in 2025 from Daisa Publishing, I Cared: One Carer’s Tales.